Zack Mahdavi’s Blog

Breaking News: Maria J states that she “might be one of these.”

November 9, 2002: Maria MJ today stated over an IM conversation that she might be “one of these,” while referring to this website.

Through further analysis of this website, it appears this girl has stated she MIGHT be obsessed with The Lord of the Rings. Because of her shocking announcement, the streets of Austin have quieted down to that of a soft shriek, as people express extreme curiosity as to Maria’s decision to publicly state her position today.

A close friend, Zack Mahdavi, was interviewed today at a major press conference in front of the Blanton dormitory at the University of Texas at Austin. “I was appalled to hear that she finally came out of the closet and admitted that she might be obsessed with the Lord of the Rings. It had never occured to me that she might ACTUALLY be obsessed. Sure, of course she’s read each and every book, watched the movie 20 times or so, has Lord of the Rings screensavers and wallpapers on her computer, and even has a crush on Legolas…. but I thought EVERY person was like this? I thought I was abnormal or something for not feeling the same way.”

How will her friends treat her now? Will she be accepted by the community, or will she be rejected like others who have admitted their obsession in the past? Only time will tell.

ZMN (ZMWeb.com News) will keep you updated on this breaking news story as details unfold. Till then, the world can only sit and stare……

Content from the website is reprinted below.

1) You incorporate quotes from the movie/book into regular conversation.
2) You want to cultivate an English (or Scottish if you like Pippin) accent because you think it�s better than your own.
3) You have a compulsion to learn Elvish as a second language.
4) You plan to name your pets after characters from LOTR.
5) You plan to name your children after characters from LOTR.
6) Your ideal date is under 4 feet tall, has funny ears, furry feet, and curly hair.
7) The most important CD in your CD collection is Howard Shore�s (he wrote the score for LOTR) soundtrack.
You�ve seen the movie until your personal funds and the funds of your family and friends are exhausted.
9) You know every line to the movie, and you know how they correspond to the book. Eg) Legolas says �There is a shadow and a threat that has been growing in my mind,� in the movie, but you know that Aragorn is the person who actually says it in the book.
10) You have issues with the fact that Bill the Pony didn�t have a bigger part in the movie.
11) You can correspond all of the music on the soundtrack to the dialogue in the movie.
12) You�ve bought a gold ring, and you pretend to disappear whenever you put it on.
13) You want to legally change your name to Gandalf/Frodo/Sam/Arwen/Eowyn� etc.
14) Your dream house is actually a hole in the ground.
15) You wish you were an Elf/Dwarf/Hobbit/Wizard.
16) You write a list of reasons that you may be LOTR obsessed.
17) Everyone that works at the theatre knows your name, address, phone number, etc.
18) You can read the whole Trilogy in a weekend.
19) You insist that it�s not actually a trilogy, but that Tolkien meant for it to be all one novel.
20) You know tons of little-known facts about Tolkien/the book/the movie… For instance, that the Shire is based on a part of England that Tolkien used to play in when he was young.
21) Any movie that any of the actors from LOTR were in previous to LOTR becomes immensely interesting to you. (eg Sean Astin was in �The Goonies,� Elijah Wood was in �The Facutly,� etc)
22) Your one big wish in life is to meet Frodo Baggins (Not the actor who played him, but the actual Hobbit). And you�re in your 20�s or older.
23) You�ve forgotten what colour your walls are because you have that much LOTR memorabilia.
24) You know the current date in Shire Reckoning.
25) You�re truly terrified that there are Nazgul searching for you at this very moment…
26) You want pointy ears so that you can be an elf.
27) The next time it snows, you�re going to try to walk on it as apposed to through it.
28) People are ready to hang you by your toes if they hear you say �My Preciousss� one more time�
29) You plan to perm and cut your hair in hobbit style.
30) You become livid of someone tells you that Bilbo is Frodo�s uncle (everyone knows that they�re cousins).
31) The Eye of Sauron haunts your dreams.
32) You�re currently looking for the Grey Havens.
33) You go to movies you hate, just to see the LOTR trailer.
34) You can rattle off any and all of the poems/songs/verses in the book upon request.
35) You are irrationally pissed at the fact that Tom Bombadil was cut from the movie.
36) You wish Tolkien could come back from the dead, just so that he could write another installment for you.
37) You�ve had to buy another LOTR soundtrack, because you’ve worn the first one out, you�ve listened to it so many times.
38) Tolkien is your God, and LOTR is your Bible.
39) You plan to buy an entire new entertainment system for the release of the DVD.
40) You compare everyone you know to characters in the book/movie.
41) You�ve been thinking of getting a Tolkien symbol tattooed somewhere�

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